When my sister-in-law got engaged, she asked me if she should register for a stand mixer. I was baffled because she really isn’t a big fan of cooking anything, much less anything from scratch. When I asked her why she wanted one, she said that it was on every registry starter checklist that she had seen. Plus her best friend had registered for one.
I told her that I thought the mixer was just going to take up valuable real estate in her small kitchen and that, if she ever got the baking bug, she could save for one then. Or everybody could pitch in and get her one for her birthday or for Christmas. So, she decided to leave it off her registry, and she hasn’t regretted the decision once. And those springform pans she decided to leave on her registry are still collecting dust in her cabinets.
I think my sister-in-law was tempted to add the stand mixer because, in the midst of all the many decisions she was making in preparation of her wedding day, it was so much easier to simply follow a registry checklist than to think about what she and her fiancé truly wanted.
But I also think that sometimes people register for items because they have these fantasy versions of themselves. Maybe you never bake now, but the fantasy version of yourself would have freshly baked cookies for your family every night after dinner. Or you register for fine china because your fantasy self is going to host elegant dinner parties every weekend once you’re married…even though you’ve never hosted anything other than a take-out pizza party.
And I don’t mean to imply that stretching to create a fantasy self is a bad idea. But the key is knowing whether the fantasy self you have in mind would actually make you happier. On their podcast Happier, Gretchen Rubin and her sister, Elizabeth Craft, often talk about how they have to stop themselves and try to discern whether they want something because they actually want it or whether they just wish they were the type of person who wanted such a thing.
So, for example, Liz declared one year that this was the year that she was going to learn how to make soups. She was going to make soup all the time for herself and for her family. She went on about it so much that one of her friends got her a big soup cookbook as a gift. And, as soon as she had it in her hands, she realized that she didn’t really want to make soup. She just wished she were the kind of person who enjoyed making a pot of homemade soup.
Through her happiness research and projects, Gretchen has come to the conclusion that the first happiness commandment is to be yourself. So when she wishes that she liked music more, she reminds herself to “Be Gretchen” and pursue the interests that she actually likes. Being Liz means that, rather than spend time reading recipes and chopping vegetables, she really should spend her time eating out, writing, and catching up with reality television.
So go ahead and create the registry that will launch your fantasy life. But make sure that it’s the fantasy life that would make you and your partner happy…not the fantasy life laid out by a standard registry checklist or by your best friend or by the advertising companies.
Unlike other registries, SoKind is totally customizable, so you can be as quirky and authentic as you would like. Amanda and Asher, for example, love learning together, so, on their SoKind Registry, they’ve requested glass blowing, cooking, surfing, singing, piano, pottery, and welding lessons. Mark and Lorelei, both parents being intentional about smoothly blending their families together, registered for a “Movie night for us + the kid of our choice.” Adrienne added a “Get Adrienne out of the Doghouse” request on her wedding registry. Her fiancé was a professional chef, and she had ruined one of his pots. So she requested a replacement (new or used). They had a lot of fun waiting to see who would take pity on Adrienne.
Rather than another item that needs to be checked off your long to-do list, creating a registry can be a fun opportunity to dream together about the kind of life you actually want to create together. Take the time to think about what matters most to you and your partner. If it’s music, register for concert tickets, lessons, or iTunes gift cards. If you want to spend more time with friends, register for double dates. And, if you actually love to bake and have always dreamed of a stand mixer, go ahead and put it on there as well. Someone who has a secondhand mixer that they received as a wedding gift would probably be very happy to pass it on to you!
For more information and/or if you’d like to sign-up for your So Kind Registry today, visit their site HERE
In the midst of one of the wildest seasons of disasters, between earthquakes, hurricanes, and wildfires, we have never been more encouraged by our audience of change making, waste-reducing, intentional living, and loving couples. We see you! Your attention to the environment, the waste, the need, and the love you have to offer the hurting world around you has not gone unseen. Thank you all for using your love to love others and waste less. Today we’re sharing a zero waste elopement from none other than the founder of Going Zero Waste
and we couldn’t be more inspired by their story! Read what she had to share below.
We had a big zero waste wedding planned in November. But, we decided to call it off and move it up to May and we eloped.
We did a big backyard bbq to celebrate with friends and family. Our goal was to produce no trash and we were really successful!
We did the backyard bbq potluck style. We bought a whole bunch of bread from the baker in our own cloth bags. I took my crockpot down to the butcher and had it filled with brisket. I also made a whole bunch of pulled jackfruit and let everyone else bring the sides.
We rented cornhole boards for entertainment. The day after we ferried into the city and met up with our immediate family for our City Hall ceremony.
I wore a dress I got second hand. Justin wore a suit he’s had for a while. My mom picked up the flowers and the cake plastic free from whole foods. She brought my cake carrier to get the cake to-go to avoid a single-use disposable one.
After our intimate ceremony and photos, we had brunch at Kitchen Story SF and ate cake on real plates with real forks, of course.
*Editor Note: With Hurricane Harvey currently causing major devastation to the East Coast of Texas and the surrounding areas, we wanted to take a moment and send our Texas friends our love and prayers for safe keeping. This is a very serious situation and there is still so much work to be done. As rescue and relief teams are making their way into the hardest hit areas, we are hopeful that everyone gets the immediate help and relocation to drier ground they require. With that said, we wanted to remember one of our most beloved love stories from one of last year’s natural disaster to give a glimmer of hope, in the midst of hard times, for our Texas vendors and wedding couples impacted by this nasty storm.
It’s been almost a year since Hurricane Matthew ravaged its way through the Caribbean and coastlines of Florida, GA, and the Carolinas. This storm brought so much devastation, loss of life, property damage, demolished communities and ruined quite a few wedding plans, but one of our BSB vendors, Finny Hill Photography, used the unexpected natural landscape to bring beauty to the beastly circumstances. We reached out to Finny Hill to see if their couple would like to take a moment to tell us 5 reasons they were grateful for the way their unplanned BIG Day turned out, their responses couldn’t have melted our hearts bigger. Thank you to Stephanie and Joshua for sharing your gracious hearts with all of us.
Five reasons we are grateful to have gotten married during Hurricane Matthew (in no particular order)
1. Appreciation for Community
When things fall apart, you have a choice; you can let them stay in a heap on the floor or you can pick them back up and keep trying. Through Hurricane Matthew trying to crash our wedding, we were able to see our community (people we don’t even know personally), dear friends, family, and insanely amazing photographers/vendors, rally together to make our wedding happen- no matter the circumstances. Talk about feeling loved.
2. Unity Through The Unexpected
Josh and I rarely shy away from a challenge; we are always eager to learn lessons and strengthen our bond. This was an opportunity for us to unite together and truly see what our relationship was made of. We stayed grounded and held each other up through the many hardships are thrown our way.
3. Actively Choosing Happiness
We were able to confirm a belief we share, that we have the ability to choose happiness no matter the situation, which is exactly what we did. Even after our vendors, friends, and family cancelled on us, we kept choosing happiness.
4. Unique Story
No one will have a story like ours. Beginning our day by clearing our ceremony sight of fallen trees and debris, frantic phone calls to push the reception to Sunday
, getting married without power (in what ended up being perfect weather) with only immediate family and our closest friends, partying by candlelight and dancing to the sounds played on a Bluetooth speaker. These moments are where the memories are made.
5. Back To The (Original) Basics
From the beginning, Josh and I secretly always wanted a small wedding to celebrate our love with the people we loved most. Because of the hurricane, our ceremony was the intimate gathering we had originally envisioned.
They say that rain on your wedding day is good luck. If that’s true then a hurricane must mean the whole universe believes in our marriage just as much as we do.